WHEN WE RETIRE, we win back control over our daily life. Gone is the boss, the expectation that we’ll be at work at a certain hour, the worry about what the next office email will bring. We have a degree of freedom that, in many cases, we last knew when we were students contemplating a long summer vacation.
But even as we gain that freedom, there’s also much that we lose. If we’re to be happy retirees, we need to think hard about how we’ll cope with these losses. For some, what’s lost won’t seem all that bad. But for me—someone for whom work has been so central to my life—the seven losses below loom large.
1. Income. This is the most obvious loss, we all know it’s coming—and yet many folks are left anxious by the disappearance of their paycheck, even if they have ample savings. Moreover, with that paycheck gone, not only do we lose the ability to save, but also our financial life goes into reverse, with savings coming out of our nest egg instead of going in.
Given that, it’s hardly surprising that studies suggest retirees tend to be happier when they have ample predictable income, such as from a pension. Don’t have a pension? To ease the anxiety of retirement, consider delaying Social Security to get a larger monthly check and perhaps also purchasing immediate fixed annuities. I plan to do both.
2. Identity. When we meet folks for the first time, one of the questions is almost always, “So, what do you do?” Instead of “engineer” or “lawyer,” you’ll be saying, “I’m retired.”
How does that answer sit with you? For some, it’ll be just fine. But others will hunger for an answer that lets them reclaim the pride they felt when they described their old profession. Even now, I tell people, “I used to work for The Wall Street Journal,” resting on those old laurels, even though my last Journal byline was more than eight years ago.
3. Purpose. Our new identity will be tied to the meaningful things we choose to do with our retirement years. It might be volunteering, helping family or a “hobby.” I put hobby in quotation marks because the word can suggest something that’s little more than a way to while away the hours.
But to give us a sense of purpose, a retirement hobby has to be more than that. It needs to be something we feel we’re good at, find challenging and fulfilling, and which strikes us as important. As I scale back my work in the years ahead, HumbleDollar will be the “hobby” that provides that sense of purpose, and I know that’s also the case for many of the site’s writers.
4. Structure. I’ve worked for myself for the past nine years, and I regularly worked from home for more than a dozen years prior to that. I lack many talents, but self-discipline isn’t one of them.
For others, however, saying goodbye to the workweek’s predictable rhythm could leave them feeling lost and unsure how to allocate their time, even if there’s plenty they want to do. I suspect the vast majority of retirees soon settle into a new routine that feels not unlike their old workweek. Indeed, many retirees tell me that weekends continue to feel distinctly different from weekdays. But until you find your daily rhythm, don’t be surprised if there are some uncomfortable weeks or months.
5. Community. You may not have great fondness for your colleagues. But at least you see them every weekday and have some interaction. By contrast, as a retiree, you may have scant dealings each day with anybody other than your spouse or partner—unless you make an effort.
So, who will you interact with? Don’t count on it being your old colleagues. While some retirees regularly get together with folks they used to work with, all too often it seems those connections fade with surprising speed. In retirement, friends are like gold, as Dennis Friedman has noted, but it takes work to nurture existing friendships and make new ones.
I’m no great fan of retirement communities. Still, from what I gather, they often offer an active social scene and residents are typically open to making new acquaintances. That strikes me as a huge plus, especially when faced with retirement’s potential social isolation.
6. Relevance. When we’re earning a paycheck, our employer expects us to be productive. One way or another, we’re helping to move the world forward. We may be small cogs in big machines, but we’re part of something larger. What happens when we retire? It can feel like the world has left us behind. While some may be happy to step off the treadmill, others may feel like they’ve become irrelevant—something I worry about.
7. Power. In recent years, I’ve seen frequent references to “ghosting,” usually in the context of dating. One moment, a prospective partner is responding to every message. The next moment, he or she is gone, with no explanation or even a curt goodbye.
But this ghosting also afflicts those of us who leave the work world behind. I’m astonished by the emails I send to folks I’ve known professionally—often for decades—that are now simply ignored. That never would have happened when I was at the Journal. Whatever modest power I once had is now long gone.
I’m reminded of a story my father used to tell. His first job out of university was working for the Financial Times in London. But he left to become city editor of the Glasgow Herald, a far less prestigious publication, at least for the denizens of the City of London. Among my father’s contacts in the financial world, he quickly learned who his true friends were—because they were the only ones who still returned his calls.
Jonathan Clements is the founder and editor of HumbleDollar. Follow him on Twitter @ClementsMoney and on Facebook, and check out his earlier articles.
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My husband and I just walked through this astute piece. He was a writer and artist—now retired for 13 years. I was an arts/non-profit CEO the last 30 years at relatively high-profile jobs. I left work 3 years ago.
Perhaps we’re still in the honeymoon phase of retirement but we haven’t experienced the losses you describe with any severity. He continues to draw and write and has even taught himself the guitar. I moved all my strategic skills to travel planning as we’ve opted to be nomadic as long as our bodies cooperate.
Are there things I am conscious of having no longer? Sure. I observe with detached amusement that my opinions don’t matter as much as they did when I had a powerful position. Things I say and do aren’t in the newspaper. I have now joined the legions of invisible older women *yoo hoo, bartender, over here!).
I have to pay for cultural experiences now and don’t have the best seats I once enjoyed as a perk. But I enjoy the arts more as I don’t have to worry about being “on” and running into funders or grantees! I like being anonymous. I feel like I am able to cultivate my inner introvert in retirement.
My close friends are still my close friends and I got to relegate the thousands of “friends,” I had due to my positions to Facebook Friend status. I take a very Will Rogers approach to meeting people on the road (I never met a man I didn’t like). Everyone has a story. I want to hear them. (Even the from the PIPs—previously important people—who DO seem to suffer from their loss of place in the world).
It’s funny. I feel like we SHOULD be experiencing the losses you describe (maybe we’re just shallow, what-me-worry people) but we are beyond happy with our lives these days. Books, naps, endless travel is a dream that has surpassed our wildest imaginings. We are no strangers to tragedy and know it will roll through our lives again and again. But we know we can deal with anything. Live your life. Live your life.
Thanks for this article–you have nailed it with this list of losses. I agree with someone that said coping with these losses well is key to a successful retirement. I have been thinking about the last two. I have not missed the loss of power but I have felt the loss of Influence. I suppose for some that looks like power but for me it looked more like helping people to survive and thrive in their roles. And as far as a loss of relevance, influence captures some of the elements as does Purpose. I know one of the fears I have had to face is the fear of irrelevance so there must be something there, elusive as it seems to be.
The human condition is a funny old thing. Power? Relevance? Structure? Purpose? Identity? From a job? Seems to me that a job is a place to earn income so you can have a life, not to define yourself. As Nassim Taleb said “True success is exiting some rat race to modulate one’s activities to peace of mind”.
I am self-employed and in the final stretch before retirement. I am very aware that some of my family, friends and former business contacts have already crossed that threshold.
I am also a person who revisits and writes out intentional goals every few months. One of those goals has become to accept social invitations as they come my way. I get it that most people, including those who are already retired will only reach out a handful of times.
10 years ago I would never have had such a goal. Co workers came and went with jobs and clients. We were all replacing each other as we moved on. Bonds were built through projects, goals and work travel. New friends were served up through our kids school activities.
Not any more.
I love that there’s so much to learn not only from the articles on humbledollar but also from the readers’ comments. Very engaging indeed!
A great read. Your work has been a huge part of your life and your ambitious. Retirement would prove to have some challenges for you, it was interesting to read them flushed out and expressed so well.
Jonathan…….one of your best observations on retirement. So many retirees I know have a very difficult time feeling relevant after they leave the work place. It takes a willingness to reinvent yourself to find what will build your self esteem. I believe the key to feeling successful at being retired is to be grateful and practice acts of gratitude. Done often, it will change your entire perspective on life and make you a person people want to be around.
I definitely had doubts regarding my retirement which was three years ago now, but they were all unfounded. I suggest you don’t be afraid of the unknown. You don’t get many chances to reinvent yourself in life, retirement is one of them and life may be shorter than you hope. Embrace the possibilities!
Jonathon, thanks for another thought provoking article. I just got off the tour bus having a look around the country with thirty other bus buddies. A great way to meet other friends, and not worry about where to stay, lugging the suitcases, or taking a nap. This is a great tonic, easy on the budget and provides lasting memories. Our last bus driver was seventy years old. No losses here, only new adventures on the next tour.
I miss my colleagues the most but I’m lucky that I still keep in touch with them and we do things together.
Interesting day where I started with this article from Jonathan and completed with this one from David Brooks that have a lot of similarities
https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2023/08/career-retirement-transition-academic-programs/675085/
Jonathan, thanks for an excellent—and very thought provoking—article.
These “seven losses” may loom large for you, but I suspect you may have less to worry about than you think. You are creative and driven, and my bet is you’ll easily overcome all seven.
As for me, here’s my report card at age 71, having retired 6 1/2 years ago:
Income. I wish we’d saved more earlier and not missed out on the power of compounding over long periods. But once we got serious in middle age, we buckled down. That, plus what I still think of as the “gift” of Social Security at 70 (+ spousal benefit), has us in pretty good shape.
Identity. That’s actually improved. Since most people hate lawyers,
now I can just say “I’m retired.” Of course, there are a few occasions when
it’s helpful to say “I’m a lawyer”, so there’s flexibility!
Purpose. I’m still working on that one. But I’ve taken a “stab” at making my hobby more purposeful: Going to the Dogs – HumbleDollar
Structure. As per your article, I’m one who has a time structure somewhat in line with my working life. Weekends still have a different feel, and in fact I’m enjoying a cold Modelo Negra right now, which I don’t indulge in during the week. But still, there’s a difference—for one, I’m not on the road for a 45 minute commute in crazy Austin traffic 5 days a week.
Community. As a dedicated introvert, this is less of a problem for me. But I still enjoy staying in touch with my partners and work colleagues, and we have get togethers, phone calls, and emails.
Relevance. I’m one of those you reference who’s happy to “step off the treadmill”. Although, once retired, I actually bought a treadmill, and happily pound away on it every morning while indulging in a Netflix show. It’s great!
Power. After 40 years of being bossed around by judges, I feel no loss of it now. But this “ghosting” business! In my humble opinion, this is just simple rudeness. If I get no reply to an email or phone call, I take it as a challenge and will pursue it till I get a response, regardless. My wife just shakes her head….
In any event, what a great article—and a real motivation to hit the keyboard on a Saturday night.
And I’m not worried about your overcoming the Seven Deadly Losses. Nature abhors a vacuum, and so do great minds—and on that score you certainly qualify.
Jonathan, posts by you like this one, which has generated so many interesting and informative comments, are the best. I think sometimes I learn as much from the comments as the initial post.
Me too! The comments on HD articles are often super-interesting.
I retired and I haven’t experienced any of the 7 things you list. I must be fortunate
Great list. I’m thinking about the last one in particular.I’ve spent the past ten years or so in charge of various things. For example, I was chair of my university department, president of our condo HOA board, and editor-in-chief of a leading journal in my field, and for most of that period, at least two of those overlapped. I’m happy to say that I’m no longer doing any of them, but extricating myself was challenging, even though I had completed the terms I’d agreed to.
I remember talking to a colleague about stepping down as chair and explaining that I needed to do it for my mental and especially physical health. She said, “Yes, you need to take care of yourself because we need you.” I replied, “My goal is to not be needed so much.” And I was absolutely serious about that. I do not miss the “power” at all. Not even a little bit.
That said, I still have responsibilities. I have several Ph.D student advisees, I teach classes for undergrads, I write a weekly column for a baseball blog, and I co-lead a church group that meets in our home. And, of course, as part of the “sandwich generation,” we have family members that need our ongoing support. The difference now is that I willingly chose those relationships and roles, or the bonds of family love compel me to step up. (Teaching my classes would be the exception to that, but I do get paid to do it!)
So I think I still want and am willing to be “needed.” I just have to pick my spots more carefully going forward.
I suspect you never really needed the power as “power.” You had wisdom at a very young age (from your parents?) and wanted the opportunity to impart it to others. You have self-awareness and self-esteem (without the bloating), two bulwarks of a meaningful retirement. You certainly deserve one.
About the ghosting thing, I see it even with companies I’ve been doing business with for 20 years. I’m trying to sell their products (for which I’ve had two decades of success) yet they practically refuse to reply to any message other than one where I am begging them for a response.
My wife often has to remind me that I can’t expect others to treat me as well as I would treat them. And that has been the secret to our little business having success.
When I retired 13 years ago I left and never looked back. However, I came to understand I did not have a strong enough social network away from work. So after one month, I took a part-time position with a local library so I could have the social interaction I was missing. (My wife had informed me that if I did not leave the house more and meet with other people that she would arrange for that to happen.) Within a week of starting at the library, I ran into an old friend and college dean who asked if I was interested in teaching a US Government class and so I taught classes in US Government and US History part-time at a local community college. The interaction with the students, 16 to 63 years old became my lifesaver and now at 75 I am still at the library several days a week because that interaction with others is so important and sustaining.
I enjoy the website very much and love your articles. I always read your posts. This was an interesting one. It’s like the stages of grief. I have been happily retired for 5 1/2 years. Fortunately, I have a pension and robust savings. And I don’t feel a loss of relevance as I have a great circle of friends and family and have lots activities that I enjoy as well as watching my grandchildren. It’s important to have a “life” outside of your career. Most of us do not have the control over our work lives, so it’s important to have a balance to that. Pls keep writing. You are an inspiration to many! All the best.
Jonathan, you are one of the very few writers I’m aware of who can simultaneously inform and entertain. In this, along with several prior posts, you have shared your plans for eventual retirement. My wife and I are enjoying our sixth year in retirement as we are older than you. I look forward to hearing whether and how any of your plans might have evolved once you are retired. I don’t presume to speak for others, but I suspect nearly all readers of Humble Dollar share my hope that when you do, you will continue to edit and write for this website. Sounds like an ideal hobby for you.
Fear not: HumbleDollar isn’t going away, though at some point I may start posting somewhat fewer articles.
Great article Jonathan. I can relate to all of your 7 losses. I’m surprised how much #1 stir bothers me – I have to admit I enjoy earning income, and spending hard earned savings still gets to me a bit. In the last decade of my career as I managed 100s of engineers I observed the diminishment of relevance and power in the last years of their career. It was sad to watch.
Jonathan you will never be irrelevant. I’ve followed you since your WSJ days and am an avid reader of Humble Dollar. Your columns get forwarded to a whole new generation now and they certainly know who Jonathan Clements is, not was.
Thank you for the kind words — but I can assure you that, at some point, we all become irrelevant. I’m just trying to postpone that moment for as long as possible!
Jonathan, you seem to become better and better with each new post. Bravo!
I’ve learned so much from the HD community — both the writers and the commenters — so often what I’m doing is simply repeating back what I heard from you (plural)!
if my own experience and those of my patients are any guide, I think several of the “losses” are particularly hard on men, Just as women have their own struggles with societal stereotypes, we must confront the loss of masculinity imposed by retirement. No longer are we the provider and our “strong” bodies and acumen begin their their relentless decline. Finally, we realize we have no control over our ultimate demise. I only have 3 retired male patients left in my practice, and they.all trying to fend off a depression wrought by falling short of the masculine mystique.
Really? Women become invisible well before retirement age. According to reports on online dating sites men remain romantically/sexually popular at much older ages than women. And why buy into the stereotype? If people thought of themselves as a person, rather than a man or a woman, they’d be a lot happier. That “masculine” myth (hardly mystique) is responsible for a lot of damage.
Terrific article. All points resonate with me. I remain active on LinkedIn and find it a nice replacement for the “office banter” that I often enjoyed. I remain in touch with several colleagues, but not in the same way as when I was working. I have also made new colleagues as I transitioned to a very part-time encore career as a career coach with high school students and young adults. Cultivate the relationships you need to remain professionally fulfilled and don’t worry about who is in the past. I am also incredibly fortunate to have close friends from college who my wife and I see regularly. I started bowling again (I am a better bowler than golfer and it is much cheaper!) and read more now than I ever have (history). Give yourself some time to transition, find something productive to do, and maintain the important relationships.
Number 7 resonated for me. A former coworker and I were seemingly good friends. We were never in the same office/location, but at meetings we often spent time together, and communicated by email & phone very frequently on both business and personal levels. I sent him an email a few months after I retired – crickets. I tried a few more times over a year or two and got the same response, so I dropped it. I have a robust social network, so I don’t need to stress that someone doesn’t want to be part of it.
Great article Jonathan. I can relate to a number of your points having retired just over 1 year ago. I liked my job, the people I worked with, and solving problems for my company. I still don’t miss the stress of schedules, nor times when layoffs were looming. I do still try to see my old gang whenever I go downtown, have lunch and catch up on things.
Perhaps my biggest issue was flipping the bit of saving for retirement to spending it down. It just feels weird – you save all your life, try to pay off all your debts, and then one day the switch gets flipped and you are now spending what you saved up for. We are doing fine financially and have no debt.
Besides many great articles on this website, a book which really helped me before I retired, was “Half Time” by Bob Buford. One of his points was to make sure you know what you’re retiring into.
My wife and I have a number of hobbies, 3 grands, and also enjoy volunteering. I enjoy building things so I’ve been helping out with our church and Samaritans Purse where I get to use some of my building skills for that.
thanks again for your article!
As I wrote I took early retirement and have been very glad I did. I’m an introvert, so time on my own is not a hardship, but one reason I’m moving to one of those retirement communities you mention is to expand my circle of friends, or at least acquaintances. I have already started volunteering and attending meetings and events at my chosen community, and everyone I have met has been friendly and interesting. Now that I can’t travel for long periods of time as I did in the first sixteen years of my retirement I expect that volunteering will help fill the gap.
I recently heard from the husband of a friend who has recently retired. He seems to already be overburdened with volunteer activities, so workaholics might want to take care to pace themselves.
Many people can plan for that perfect retirement day. For others it can be a variety of obstacles that intervene and you are forced down another path.
My wife and I weren’t that fortunate, and by choice, we both ended up retiring early with no debt and good savings. I regretted taking the package for several years and felt lost. But then I got hooked on several new hobbies. Soon grandchildren started sprouting and refocusing our daily and weekly plans, and now moving to a newly built house in a few months and still no debt.
One never really knows what lies ahead after receiving that last earned paycheck and the people you’ll meet that might open other paths. In looking back, leaving the rat race early has allowed us to enjoy a longer time in retirement. Now I have no regrets!
Besides returning calls I’ve found that true friends are the ones who check on you when you’re sick.
Leaving work and fading from regular view always reminds me of the old phrase, “Every dog has his day.” I was lucky to have 43 good years at work. I always pitied the professional athlete who had a much shorter work window – even though they made a little more money than I did.
I also look back at people who retired when I was younger and still working and I didn’t stop contact with them intentionally, I was just busy with my life at that point. C’est la vie.
All of those resonate with me. #1 – Income – was the one I thought about most before retiring and it turned out to be the least important after retirement, thanks to my planning. What I didn’t expect to miss from work is the satisfaction I got from competing with young male techies. (I was usually the only woman in my group and often the oldest.)
I was in the same situation. I kept hoping that things would improve, but the percentage of women in my division was still only in the high teens when I took early retirement in 2000. At least I finally had a female manager. I can’t say that such competition was in the forefront of my mind, and I spent much of my career working with the same people. I was “lent out” to a skunk works project in the mid-90’s and was exasperated/infuriated/etc. to discover that sexism was still alive and well among people I hadn’t worked with before.
As naïve as I was, #7 got me down the most. Fifty years and one of the most visible people in the organization and in one day it’s like you never existed. Even 13 years later the few that do respond to me only do so if I communicate first.
I’ll never forget the last day on the job. After decades at working personally with these people and helping them with all sorts of benefit and retirement personal problems, not one fellow officer reached out to say goodbye-or even glad to see you go.
You are right about HumbleDollar for sure, it has become an important activity for me and allowed me a small measure of relevance, more so the older I get.
Jonathan, As I read your thoughtful article, number 7 grabbed my attention. To coin a phrase you often use—“fear not”, you will never become irrelevant. You have so much substance; consisting of your knowledge, experience,tenacity,great work ethic and so much more.
Regarding friends. Yes, they are so important, particularly as we advance in age. And there is serendipity—sometimes friends find us because people will gravitate towards you. The rewards we reap from nurturing friendships are returned tenfold.
you have all the earmarks of a successful and gratifying retirement. We gain more than we lose.
Those seven potential losses are real problems for those who fail to plan. I had those fears as well but the nicest surprise from my retirement is that they were phantom fears with absolutely no substance, in my case. I believe that if you live an intentional life and have planned well for many years they can be avoided . A successful retirement, like mine has been for the last eight years, is successful because I planned for it for decades. As far as money goes, if you save and invest from day one of your career then the income problem is not a real thing. I agree that delaying Social Security, to age 70 in my case, is a wise choice. As far as creating an income stream, I simply have an automatic monthly deposit from my IRA and another from my taxable brokerage account into our checking account and it’s no different than the direct deposit that used to be from my paycheck. As far as identity, purpose, relevance, power, community and structure, solutions for those were set up over decades as well. I entered into retirement already chairing a college board and a large foundation board. Since then I’ve become part of a small group that bought a $50Million dollar hospital to turn it to a nonprofit venture and now chair that hospital board as well. I mentor engineering students at my old university. None of that would be possible if I had not spent decades volunteering at those institutions, while I was working full time. Being involved in the governance of those institutions keeps my brand alive and keeps me in the news and in the same circle of regulators, business leaders and politicians that I was in during my career. And all of this is, at best, a very part time job, I have plenty of time for a little paid consulting(also requiring decades of prep to pull off in retirement) plus lots and lots of tennis, pickleball, walking, cycling, fishing, hiking, bushwhacking and travel. The only intractable problems with retirement are with health and aging. Those I prepared for over decades by distance running, my athletic sports and by keeping my high school weight. But regardless, time and age will eventually win out. But only after a long and joyful retirement. My thoughts to your readers is to build your dream retirement starting very early in your career. Build a network of activities and people that you can take into retirement with you.
It’s fascinating that you planned, and it worked out so well for you. Is there anything that surprised you?
Your high school weight! Sighhhhh. That is never coming back for me, though I work out and watch my diet and my weight. I’ve reframed that to “in the healthy BMI range for my height”—ideally in the middle of that range, not the top.
Having 6 months of “retirement” under my belt I can relate and empathize with each of the listed emotions. Each brings a different level of anxiety that I am working through. Thank you for the article as it helps catalog my experiences into a neat little package.
Richard, I’m right there with you. 11 months under my belt. The two items that concerned me most were Income and Purpose. Even though the income piece made sense on paper, it was very unsettling to walk away from a paycheck. Looking at a spreadsheet and living it are two different things. For purpose, I made a list of things I was definitely going to do and things I might/could do to stay busy. Today, the freedom and slower pace have been wonderful. I’m much more at peace with the decision to retire and thank God for it every day. I wish you peace with your decision as well.
As I read through the list, I can think of older individuals who have never truly retired, probably because they are trying to avoid at least one of these losses. It may be the rare person who can avoid all seven. A key to happiness in retirement may be learning to deal with the loss.
Edit: After waking up a little more, I realize I restated Jonathan’s thesis. It would be interesting to here how the retirees are handling these issues.
I really haven’t experienced many of these issues in two years of retired life, but I do understand them and can see why some people would, so count myself lucky. I will say that we don’t really have roots in a community given our nomadic lifestyle, but a time will probably come when we’re more settled, and we realize we’ll need to be intentional about making connections. Meanwhile, our days are full.
It’s funny but when I read many articles like this I can’t relate for the most part. To address each number:
1) Only a mild concern, but I did my financial research, had a plan consisting of turning my small pension of just over 100K into an annuity with 100% survivorship, delaying Social Security until 70, and since we have a reasonable budget spending down our IRAs until 70 at which SS will cover a majority of the budget.
2) Although I enjoyed my work it was never my identity, just a means to enjoy life, ie I worked to live, not lived to work.
3) My purpose now is to be retired and to do what I want when I want (such as two days ago when I went to a Springsteen concert, was able to get to the stadium at 1, tour the Patriots hall of fame, eat a leisurely dinner, go to a bar after for an hour while the traffic abated, then stay at a local hotel to avoid driving at night to get home at 2-3 am.
4) I have a regular routine which includes hours of reading news, sports, biographies; a daily gym workout, gardening/yard work, and watching my Boston sports teams on TV.
5) Since I had work and have social anxiety, I enjoy being able to minimize interactions with others.
6) see above
7) Never a problem, I was happy being a worker Indian my whole life, not a chief, so was always under someone else’s power.
In a nutshell I am perfectly happy being retired and waking up each day with it as my own.
Great article, Jonathan. As I retire in less than two weeks, many of these are indeed considerations that have been at the forefront of my mind.